Arthur: hometown? No!

Xi'an, China.

"When I was in primary school, I was different from all the other children. The other children lived with their parents, while I lived in my teacher's house mainly because my parents were busy looking after their business and didn't have time to look after me. But no one knew how frightening it was for me to live in a teacher's house at that time. The damage they caused me at that time led to my personality becoming weaker and weaker and low self-esteem."

"I remember being at the teacher's house, and I was being bullied by the teacher's children all the time, but I couldn't fight back, or he would tell the teacher, and the consequence would be that I would be bullied even worse. I remember particularly well that I was not allowed to eat what I liked in front of them, or they would scold me, so every time I bought what I wanted to eat in secret. I was afraid to talk to people or do anything I wanted to do from that time onwards."

"For the three years that I lived at my teacher's house, I was only in about first grade at the time. Yet, I had to help them go far away every day to purchase daily necessities, and their house was halfway up the mountain, so basically, every time I went down the hill to buy items, the round trip time was about two hours or so.

I didn't have a concept of home when I was a child, and I didn't know what home was. I didn't know what a complete family should be like. All I knew was that I hated living with a teacher, and at the time, I tried to talk to my mum's family about it every time I came home, but they didn't understand me and thought I was being overly sensitive. Also, my dad never showed up during that time but would always call to lecture me that I should be more like a boy and help the teacher and her family more."

"I was taken home by my family in the 4th grade and returned to a "home" that I remember vaguely. I was particularly self-conscious and introverted and didn't want to talk to anyone except my Barbie dolls, with whom I could even speak all day.

I suspect I was suffering from depression at the time, even though it was only in primary school. Dad finally came back in fourth grade, and it was also an excellent time to see him again after five years. But upon his return, he began to criticise me endlessly for my feminine behaviour."

"I hardly felt any love from my dad until I was in middle school, and I didn't understand why he kept telling me to do what boys should do. I didn't understand what it meant to do what boys should do. Who could define it?

"I had no idea how important family was to me in primary school. It wasn't until junior high school that I realised the importance of family. Whenever I tried to kill myself, my mum and dad were always there for me, with their tears of pain."

"One hilarious thing is that I used to remove my makeup before I came home when I lived with my parents and kept my face vegan. I remember once when I got home and had dinner with my mum and dad, I thought I had taken my makeup off myself, but I didn't realise when I went back to my bedroom after dinner that I had fake eyelashes stuck to my temples. They must have seen it all but didn't say anything. Also, my dad is a very respectful man. However, he once went out to dinner with me, dressed as a woman, and accidentally met his friend. I know he must have felt uncomfortable, but he never showed it."

(Excerpts from interviews)

02/11/2022

Pictures: Arthur

Edited by William Liu